i would like to swing dance

and play the blues.

contenment

as i sit here glancing up between paragraphs, while revising a paper, i am happy.

happy to hear the rain drip from the trees and onto the soggy leaves fallen by yesterday's wind.

i am happy knowing that soon my wife will be home to eat dinner with me before work.

i am happy.

i am happy at the thought, not too distant of a dream, that soon my life will be mostly centered around the reading and revising of papers.

paper and pens will be used by the hundreds and all to endorse my happiness. things done by me and for me, for my benefit. what a lovely sound that makes in my mind.

i am happy.

i am happy to be content with my life.

i love it.

i am now a man

saturday i went to a funeral and did not cry. this is the first time this has happened since my friend jordan died when i was a junior in high school. the last funeral i attended was the worst. to this day, even almost a year later, i still have random moments of sadness where in i cannot control myself and breakdown into tears. i miss my friend greatly and will continue to miss him greatly. thanks to him i feel i am who i am. he was an influence and a mentor of sorts. he was a great man and everyone that knew him will agree.

thank you caleb for everything. i miss you and love you man.

my lack of tears shed has made me question the changes that have occurred in my life and ponder their long-term affects. am i now a man that can develop nor hold an emotional attachment to friends due to my fear of losing them. im sorry i cannot beat this fear and i hold on to no hope that i will ever be able to beat it.

i have a lot of film being processed and i can not wait to get it back!

hopefully they will turn out okay. excited either way though haha

holga movie

beautiful translation of love in action.

"More often than not, we'd just breath into our separate receivers.

'Are you still there?'

'I'm here.'

'Good. Don't hang up.'

'I wont.'"

-David Sedaris

i found this image on flickr. i like it.

its taken with a holga camera. i have the same kind of camera