Halo.

Goddamn.

My reflection is eerie as it ripples and pulses with the pond.

The moon is haloed tonight.

The full moon is out yet the water is dark, almost black and ice covers the shallowest parts of it. My chattering teeth are quite distracting but it makes it easy to forget about my shaking hands. It’s hard to swallow when your really cold and so many things are going through your mind. It seems peculiar that things other than the present human condition would come to mind in such a situation.

I try to blow smoke rings and am unsuccessful but I don’t give up for another 5 minutes at least. My breathing and shaking is more controlled now.

I am ready. Everything is set.

With one step forward I feel the water rush in between my toes. The deep, bitter breath drawn from my lungs. The shiver that travels up and down my crooked spine. With two feet in I manage to forget that they even exist. I press forward through the cold. Waist deep, I pause to fight my body for breath and warmth.

I sink.

I remember the last time we were here. You said you would always be here with me. I feel you everywhere and see you in everything that I do.

I emerge gasping for breath that I never seem to find. My shoes are like cement on my feet as I shake my way out of the black grabbing every step of the way.

I lie down.

The moon is high now and soon the sky will burst with color as it did that night. The stars will disappear and everything will be okay. That night burns bright in my mind, a night much like tonight actually. It is a bit colder now though, you’re not here to warm my feet. It just kind of happened didn’t it? we just ended up here, talking to the stars about what they held for us. We forgot about everything except you and I.

Nothing else matters.

I shake uncontrollably now. The sharp stabs of pain have made their way to my thighs and biceps. I fight for consciousness as my eyelids grow heavy, thick with frozen tears. Some clouds hide the moon now but I can still see its halo. It is as if you are still by my side reflecting light from your eyes on this hollow chest of mine.

You were so beautiful in your dress. I could not stop smiling and I didn’t give a shit if anybody noticed. It was you and I alone. No one else is real. I remember the vivid blue that your eyes used to be-- the way that you smiled and laughed at everything I said. There was never a coldness about you. You were about me and I was about you. Love for love.

Life for Life.

You are not here tonight. It has been some time since you have been here actually. I miss your touch. The warmth that it brought me. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you my wife, my dear, my love.

By the time that they find me here we will be swimming together in the sun and dancing on the moon.